Wednesday, March 25: Day 9 of San Francisco Quarantine
Ahoy Mateys, on this grand voyage called life. Today mark's Day 8 of quarantine in San Francisco, and we are navigating some mighty choppy waters. Sit with me. I have a story to tell.
I must have been a Captain in a previous lifetime because the function of Captain has always been one of fascination and wonder to me. That or, I must have watched too many Star Trek episodes, channeling my inner Jean Luc Picard. Regardless, the idea of navigating rough waters is one that most resonated when I built my coaching business, "Navigation for Daily Living."
The idea of being the Captain of my vessel has become necessary on my healing journey, especially as I have embarked on integrating my shadow and practiced being the conscious awareness in everyday life. The role symbolizes finding calm and composure under duress, following a strict moral code, "The Captain goes down with his ship," and being proactive and solution-oriented.
The Captain of the ship is responsible for ensuring the safety of the vessel, cargo, and crew while navigating Mother Nature and other nefarious threats such as pirates. At the beginning of a voyage, the Captain has in mind the desired route, a list of potential risks, but knows there are things beyond their* control. The Captain is in charge because of their ability to utilize the wealth of experience and tools they acquired in life to make the best decisions in desperate times while looking out for the whole team. This immense responsibility is an honor.
When I take a look at my psyche, I understand there are many parts of myself, the conscious and the unconscious. The combination of these aspects dictate decisions that chart the course of my day. To be the Captain of my ship (body, energy field) is to be the awareness that is present in the moment.
This visualization practice of seeing myself as the Captain of my ship moving through a torrential storm named COVID-19 puts things in perspective for me. My home is a ship, moving through space and time. Located at the edge of the Pacific Ocean, stuck in place, for the next few weeks, maybe months. The ship is parked. We have all the supplies we need. Our challenge is to maintain our health and sanity. The idea of having to hold still for an indefinite amount of time is daunting to the mind that always wants to know all the answers. Knowing the answers means that the brain is keeping the entire vessel "safe." Unfortunately, life is continually unfolding, and no one knows how this saga will end. Even if we try to guess and postulate, we end up at the same place, sitting and waiting.
Wearing the Captain hat over the last few days, I have been dealing with members of my internal crew that are angry and feeling anxiety for various reasons. These are aspects of myself that are in dissonance about what is happening to our world right now. The Captain is aware of the mind and the body's response to trauma and general fear of the unknown. The Captain presumes a leadership role over the reactions and looks at each response as a valid member respected member of the team who needs support and assurance. Over the last week, I find myself grounding, check-in, listening, processing, and understanding. It's my job to be curious, ask questions, and allow time for inner inquiry.
Questions of Inquiry:
If you had to make an analogy of your inner state, what would it be?
Are you also a Captain?
What helps you conceptualize the internal flow of within?
Pretend that you are a Captain of your ship:
What is your current emotional state?
Is there a part of you that needs you to listen?
If so, what is that part trying to tell you?
Next, after the Captain's check-in, I work through to see what the body needs based on what I am "hearing" using inner listening.
If my body is chest is feeling constricted, I begin to start incorporating deep breathing exercises. I turn on some gentle meditation music and clear my mind. The heart opens. I hold my hand to my chest and acknowledge it's experience.
"Oh, my dear chest. You feel so tight and constricted. I can tell something is bothering you. I am here to listen to your story. What would you like to share?" I continue with deep breaths. A few memories cross my mind. I wait before trying to judge what is happening—letting my breath guide the exercise. The process takes about 10-15 minutes. After this exercise, I take out my journal and begin to write. Everything that comes to mind starts flowing on my paper. I can't seem to write fast enough.
Since COVID-19, I notice myself repeating this process and similar processes more frequently than "normal" to tap into my inner self often. The Captain's work is not complete until peace is felt on the vessel. With the flurry of recent activity, the internal work is frequent. The goal is not to carry the emotional load and ignore it, but to sit with it and be present.
What processes are you using right now to process the waves of emotions coming your way?
Do you have a meditation practice that allows for stillness?
Do you allow your unconscious to speak to you through automatic writing/journaling?
While we can all use an analogy like being a Captain of a ship, we all process our emotions differently. If you aren't sure how to handle processing your feelings at this time and are looking for a template, I recommend Byron Katie's "The Work."
From her website:
"Notice: Who or what upsets you makes you angry? Why? Recall a specific situation.
Write: Capture your stressful thoughts on a worksheet using short, simple sentences.
Question: Isolate and question on thought—allow authentic answers to arise.
Turn it around: Find the opposites of thought. Are they as accurate or more real than the original idea?"
We are processing so much information right now. It can feel incredibly overwhelming. Allow yourself time to be still and feel where you are at in your mind, body, and emotional state.
Find an analogy or system that feels good for you to help you work through it. If you need someone to talk to, call a friend you trust. We will make it out of this period—one step at a time, one foot in front of the other.
If you need extra support at this time and are looking for a safe, calm space to process what is happening to your right now, I am offering a flash sale on coaching, check it out here.
*Note: the usage of they/their meaning any person, rather than choosing his/her pronouns
#trauma
