#the100dayproject
High Vibe Hacks
Day 84: Be curious about envy
On the heels of yesterday’s post, another shadow theme that comes to mind is envy.
We are bound by our human-ness to at one time or another in our life meet envy.
Envy is the result of comparing our experience to others, and when we find out someone has something we would like, we feel the pangs of jealously.
Why is so and so more successful than me? Why are they always on vacation? Does so and so ever work?
When you become a parent, this turns into the comparison of children. Is so and so sleeping through the night? Is so and so walking, talking, feeding himself? Etc.
The markers of envy are so subtle, it could be a face made after giving a compliment, or an off-handed joke.
I recognized it in myself just last week.
I was with a group of friends, and one had left her cell phone on the ground. Ali darted to it, and I said “well, so and so doesn’t have a kid, so of course she leaves her phone on the ground.”
It spilled out like projectile vomit. I recognized it, I didn’t apologize in that moment, because life was moving and when I left, and was driving home, the comment I made glared at me as I drove on 280N.
Why had I said that? Was it 100% innocent?
I unpacked the layers, and at the root was envy, of a life I no longer had. My own reality only a year ago had been one solely as an independent human. Sure, I was married, but my husband could care for himself, and wasn’t unconsciously putting himself at risk 24/7.
The carefree nature of my previous life, was so evident in that one moment of unconscious social purging by a little half somewhat innocent/somewhat envious comment.
Oh, but Nina - aren’t you supposed to be high vibe hacks? How could you do something so unconscious?
To answer - yes, I love high vibe hacks! Unconsciousness happens to all of us - even the most saintly human. I am far from a saint though. Maybe that is why I have discovered so many high vibe hacks! 😉
We are humans, we have our human nature. As much as I would like to say, I have the secrets to be 100% conscious at all times, this would be further than the truth.
However, the high vibe hack to dear old envy is to be alert. Just as we bring the shadow close and embrace it, we do the same with envy.
Being curious about envy is they key to not tripping all over the ego.
I knew something was off by my comment, but I couldn’t point at it, because I was busy trying to make sure Ali would not put himself in danger and didn’t have the space to analyze it. So I tabled it.
Once I got a moment, I took some time to process, but once I did, I shared with the person I made the comment with about why I had done it, and what I was struggling with.
The trigger of envy was a turning point in releasing a lot of the unconscious resentments that naturally came with my new reality of being a mom, a full-time caregiver, and the loss of only having to care for my needs.
I know this experience manifests different in all of us, and for different reasons, but this was my real life experience with it.
It’s been a week since this incident, and with taking time off of social, and making ceremony out of the solstice, I was able to really integrate my first year of being a mom and all the emotions, feelings that come with it.
Envy became the emotion that helped me put words to a situation, I was trying to mask by keeping my mama game face on, and not coming to terms with all that had happened, mourning that which I had lost, and then being able to make the right choices that brought me closer to balance. Which was what had triggered envy to begin with - being out of balance and out of alignment.
When I got curious about envy, I could connect all the pieces better.
Questions to Ponder:
When have you found yourself in envy?
Can you think about what it is in your that it is triggering?
Could it be something that you no longer have? Or long for? Could it be something inside yourself that you don’t see now?
Be Curious. 🙂
#becurious #curious #envy #highvibehacks
Note: The original #100DayProject started on April 2nd 2019. This blog is a repost of the project which was originally shared on my personal Facebook and Instagram.